What “Checking In” Really Means: Practical Scripts for Friends in Crisis
Suicide Prevention Month
We say “I’m here if you need anything,” because we care, and sometimes we even say it because we’re scared to say the wrong thing. Checking in isn’t about perfect words; it’s about offering steady, specific care that lowers the other person’s sense of aloneness and makes the next safe step clearer.
Below are two simple ways to show up and a few scripts you can copy, adapt, and keep on your phone.
Way 1: A check-in that actually lands
A good check-in is specific, steady, and low-pressure. You name what you’ve noticed, you show care, and you offer a tiny, concrete next step.
Try this:
“I’ve noticed you’ve seemed really weighed down lately. I care about you, and I’m here now not to fix anything, just to sit with you. Would a short walk, a call, or quiet company feel best?”
If they hesitate:
“No pressure to talk. We can just be together and breathe for a minute. You don’t have to carry this by yourself.”
If they say “I’m fine,” but you’re worried:
“Totally okay if you don’t want to talk. I’m going to check in again tomorrow. If it gets heavy tonight, text me the word HELP and I’ll call.”
Why this works: It reduces shame (“you’re not a burden”), gives choice (walk/call/quiet), and sets a clear, safe plan.
Way 2: Bridging to safety by asking directly & staying connected
Asking about suicide doesn’t plant the idea; it opens the door to honest help. If you’re concerned, be kind and direct, and make it easier to connect with support.
If you’re worried about suicide, say:
“I want to ask something hard because you matter to me. Are you thinking about suicide?”
If they say yes:
“Thank you for telling me. I’m here. We can text or call 988 together and talk to a counselor, or I can stay with you while we chat online. What would feel easiest right now?”
If they say no, but you still feel uneasy:
“I’m relieved to hear that. If that ever changes, even a little, I want you to tell me. Tonight, can we pick one thing that might make the next few hours easier?”
If danger feels immediate (they have a plan, means, or can’t stay safe), don’t leave them alone. Call 911 (or your local emergency number) and stay on the line. If you’re in the U.S., you can also call/text 988 for guidance while you stay with them. If you’re outside the U.S., use your country’s crisis line or emergency services.
A note for you, the helper
You’re human. You won’t say it “perfectly,” and that’s okay. Stay compassionate, avoid arguing or minimizing, and keep your promises about checking back. Afterward, tend to yourself by drinking water, breathing, or talking to someone you trust. Caring for you helps you keep caring for them.
Call to Action
Save these scripts to your phone and share this post with someone who wants to be a better support but worries about “saying the wrong thing.” Your steady presence can be the lifeline that gets a friend through tonight.
This blog is educational and not a substitute for therapy. If you or someone you love is in crisis: in the U.S., call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or dial 911 for emergencies. Outside the U.S., contact your local emergency number or a regional crisis line.
